17 Surefire Ways To Get Your Script Rejected
10) Put in lots of stage directions for every speech, indicating exactly how you think an actor should say the line. Example:
JANE: (coyly) No.
JOHN: (very angry, but holding it in) Why not?
JANE: (flirting more hesitantly now) Because.
JOHN: (swept away with passion) All right, then.
11) Be sure to include at least one 3-page monologue, per character, in every scene. And do keep all the characters onstage whether they have anything to do or say in the scene or not; after all, the actors need to practice concentrating on listening intently for a half hour without dialogue or stage business.
12) Make the dialogue as generic as possible. You might, for instance, write an absurdist play where all the characters are named MAN and WOMAN 1, 2, 3, etc., and they all spout general philosophical abstractions until it's hard to tell their characters and dialogue apart. That way it will be intellectually deep and universal and everyone will be able to identify with it.
13) Alternatively, base your play on your own life, particularly your frustrations, and how no one understands and appreciates you. Don't change anything; people need to experience unvarnished reality.
14) Print your script on a dot-matrix printer in which you haven't changed the ribbon in years. Use a "creative" font, like all italics or cursive. Then photocopy it on the lightest possible setting, to conserve toner. Even better, write your script in longhand. Anything to make it to stand out from all the others.
15) Send your script to every theatre you ever heard of. Don't bother finding out what kinds of plays they usually do; they're bound to love your masterpiece, no matter what. After all, everyone, from a radical experimental company to a Shakespeare festival to a community theatre that only does musicals, NEEDS to experience your gripping 53-character historical play about Civil War amputees.
16) Diligently follow up by calling the theatre every week or so until you're sure your script has been received and read. That way the staff will be sure to remember your name.
17) Leave your address and phone number off your script, and don't include a SASE (self-addressed stamped envelope, manuscript-sized) for return of your script either. That way, you'll never have to face rejection -- because the theatre won't be able to find you.
Copyright 1995 by Linda Eisenstein. Reprinted with permission.
Go To Page: 1 2
Articles in this Topic Discussions in this Topic
Latest Articles