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New Year's Resolutions


2002 is finally here, and so is a new PGA Tour season. In the spirit of a new year (okay, to be honest, the Mercedes Championships preview could have waited another week), this hack came up with a list (again!) of imaginary New Year’s Resolutions of some PGA Tour pros and other figures in golf.

  • Tiger Woods, PGA Tour: “I will continue to get closer to Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 career majors. To do so, I must stay healthier than I did 2001. No more tripping on a rock after signing autographs; no more hurting my back getting massaged on a trainer’s table; and no more nagging Achilles injuries. Oh yeah, almost forgot. I will not—repeat, I will not—dye my hair blond again.”

  • Phil Mickelson, PGA Tour: “I would love to win a major, although this sounds more like a hope than a resolution. I don’t know if that will finally happen, but I’ll give it my best shot. I’ve heard a few people say that I should lose a few pounds if I were to catch up with Tiger and Duval and other lean guys. I hate to admit it but, yes, I do need to be in better shape to stay focused in late stretches.”

  • Vijay Singh, PGA Tour: “Like everyone out here on the Tour, I would like to win as often as I can. It’s been a while since I hosted an oversized winner’s check. Sure, the money was good in 2001, what with almost four million (all figures U.S.) bucks, but nothing beats winning. I think I am due for a victory.”

  • Lanny Wadkins, CBS Sports: “I will replace Ken Venturi in the CBS booth during the Masters, and I am really looking forward to the season’s first major. I may not have the experience and first-hand knowledge of Mr. Venturi, but I promise I will make more sense in my commentary.”

  • Peter Kessler, formerly of The Golf Channel: “The Golf Channel has let me go (more on Kessler saga in a later article) and I will be exploring new opportunities in the business. Many in the market know that I was The Golf Channel, and wherever I may end up, the TGC will regret the decision to release me. In the meantime, I will be working to lower my seven-handicap.”

  • Johnny Miller, NBC Sports: “I have been criticized for, um, criticizing Tour players too often. But I hope the players and fans alike understand that my job is to analyze what’s going on among golfers during tournaments. Negative remarks are merely a part of what I do. I will just keep doing what I have been doing in my broadcasting career—and doing it better.”
    The copyright of the article New Year's Resolutions in PGA Tour is owned by Jeeho Yoo. Permission to republish New Year's Resolutions in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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