Quit Complaining!

We all know that things don't always go the way we want or expect them to go. Plan as we might, practice as we might, sometimes things just don't go our way.

When circumstances take twists and turns we can't predict, we often feel discouraged. We feel a right to complain.

But complaining produces a negative mindset. It forces us to unwittingly dwell on what's wrong in our lives instead of focusing on what we can change or do to make things right.

When something goes differently than we had planned or when something that's difficult pops up unexpectedly, we should allow ourselves to feel the confusion, anger, or whatever other emotion comes along as a result. We should also allow ourselves to vent our feelings to only one person who will not judge or condemn but who will just listen--someone who knows and understands that you are releasing frustration, that you are venting.

But once you have vented, prevent yourself from dwelling on the thing that caused the negative emotion by not complaining. When you complain, you tell several people over and over about what went wrong. Your mind is focused on the horrible thing. You might bring others down by your complaining. You will definitely bring yourself down.

Instead, after you allow yourself to vent about the situation, allow yourself to pick up the pieces and see where you can go from where you are. What can you do to make things better? How can you respond so that meeting your main priority is still your focus? Think about things that have gone right in your life. Appreciate what you have been able to achieve so far.

By asking yourself questions and remembering past positive moments, your mind accepts what has just happened and moves on to what will happen next. It uses the lessons you just learned as corrective feedback to help you stay on track with your goal or to help you determine a new one.

So go ahead and vent, but quit complaining. You will be in a much better position to handle things when they don't go your way.

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Please note that the advice given above assumes a degree of mental fitness. Some people who have difficulty handling difficult situations might complain too much as a result of not knowing what to do next or how to bring themselves out of a state of depression. In such a case, a professional mental health counselor can provide the appropriate guidance. For more information about mental disorders, please see the Internet Mental Health web site.

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