Moms in the Mirror

In your 30's, you probably had occasion to utter some expression that caused you to think calmly, "OH MY GOD, MY MOTHER USED TO SAY THAT."

Now, as you look in the mirror, you get hints of your mother's, er, ah...well, it's different for every woman. But what you say to yourself now, in just as calm a manner is, "OH MY GOD, I'VE GOT MY MOTHER'S ______."

Eyes: If the eyes are the window to the soul, I'm ready to buy earthquake insurance. Once barely noticeable, the lines around my eyes are deepening into cracks at an ever-increasing rate. Daily.

Jaw line: Some women see the beginnings of a softening of the jaw. Not that your bones are disintegrating--it just looks that way. Unlike those Hollywood women on the covers of magazines that are still used as role models for the rest of us, most women can't see where their cheeks end and their neck begins. What used to be a well-defined jaw line is now just melting ice cream.

Necks: And speaking of necks, while I don't intend to wear turtlenecks and scarves a la Katharine Hepburn, I can see those wrinkles, teeny tiny crevices creeping along my skin like so many miniature canyons.

Chest: Okay, so a few years in the sun have increased the number of wrinkles and age spots on my chest. And I use age-diminishing lotion to soften the skin there. But as long as I've got it, I'm gonna flaunt it and wear low cut shirts. Until I begin to look like Magda, Mary's neighbor in There's Something About Mary, I'm going to stay the course on this one.

Boobs: Genes and childbearing have a lot to do with this one. Luckily, my genes are good and, not so luckily, I've never had kids, so I'd put mine up against a 30-year-old's anytime. But I have friends who have watched theirs (boobs, not kids) turn from saluting the sun to just lying around to "pick me up mama 'cause I can't do it myself anymore."

Stomach: This is a nasty one, so I'll cover upper and lower in the same paragraph. Is your upper tummy bigger than your boobs? Has your lower tummy turned into two? Can you no longer see your feet when you stand up straight? This just sucks the big one, doesn't it, girls? I mean, I have pictures of myself at 21 with no stomach at all, and pictures of my mom looking like I do now and wondered, "Did she look like me at 21?" Now I wonder, "How did I get here from where I was at 21?"

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