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Perimenopause: Everything your mother didn't know.

© Susan Irene Fox

Women: Are you a late boomer? Have you secretly laughed at the complaints from "older" friends about hot flashes? Have you egotistically and erroneously thought, "Hah! What wimps. I'll never go through that". Well, ladies, get ready for the fantastic voyage through daytime crying jags, power sweats, and spontaneous 3:00 am giggles. Menopause has finally come out of the closet. Oh, boy. Now we can all talk about it in mixed company at the dinner table instead of silently sweating and discreetly fanning ourselves with our opera programs.

I remember my mother's perimenopause period (excuse the unintended pun). I was born when she was 36 years old. Her roller coaster ride occurred during the three years I was going through my teen rebelliousness. She, who was always even-tempered, always the mediator, forever the cool-headed and logical one in the family turned into Joan Crawford overnight. Now, it's my turn to play Honey Dearest.

Of course, my dear older friends "sympathized" when I began to complain of feeling a rush of heat accompanied by a spontaneous outpouring of steamy perspiration. They keep telling me that once I get to the "other side" things will be beautiful, mellow, calm. I gather from this that one side - the side before perimenopause - is the cliff off of which one is pushed at the age of 45 or thereabouts. The cavernous breach is perimenopause and can last anywhere from 2-5 or more years. I so look forward to sweating like a pig five minutes after my shower. No delicate glow, this wetness. It's a down and out, old basketball shirt, clothes soaking, annoying as hell heat blast.

My "boyfriend" (I hate that term, so I'll call him Steve - which is his name) of two years who is younger, stronger and considerably less sweaty, has alternately enjoyed the roller coaster and wanted to trade me in for a more emotionally steady model. Not necessarily younger. Just more predictable. And predictable I ain't. The good news is that I can identify and empathize with his 13-and-a-half year old, stuck-in-adolescence, one foot in childhood-one foot in adulthood daughter. She and I are a pair of loony-tune, hormonally challenged bookends to his steady-as-a-rock, hard cover exterior.

A plethora of books exist on The Condition (just check out BarnesandNoble.com or Amazon.com). It's actually called perimenopause because it's the Time Before Menopause (TBM). Menopause is the complete cessation of menses. I prefer to call it Tropic of Irrational.

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