20 Rules of Computing
The silly season is upon us and so it falls to me write something in keeping with the "Holiday mood".
I have often been known to issue the odd curse at computers and I think nearly all of us have one time or another. This is not down to our own stupidity but to the annoying way the computers always go wrong at the most inopportune moments.
I therefore propose that the following "rules" (akin to Isaac Asimov's 3 rules of robotics), be incorporated into ALL operating systems with immediate effect. See if you can identify with any of these...
Rule 1
No computer shall carry virus code of any kind - whether in a program or a file (such as a Word document). Computers being so sophisticated, they should instantly prevent such code from being saved or transmitted. Think how much time and aggravation THAT would save!
Rule 2
Computers should only go "wrong" in their own time - not mine. I don't use my computer 24/7, but when I do use it I expect it to work perfectly. If my computer needs to go wrong, let it do it when I'm not using it. (It can have its own little crash or whatever and then reset itself ready for when I next want to use it).
Rule 3
Every "Blue Screen of Death" (BSOD) should automatically deposit £10/$10 in to my bank account straight from Mr Gates' bank account. That's the ONLY WAY the BSOD will be a welcome sight. After all, if it is going to waste my time...
In keeping with this rule, the following amounts should be transferred to my account...
BSOD... £10/$10
Lost file due to system lockup... £50/$50 for each 15 minutes I have been working on that file.
Re-installation of Windows... £500/$500. I am SO fed up re-installing Windows!!!
Hard disk reformat due to Windows failing to load... £5000/$5000 - PER HOUR it takes me to restore my system (which is usually a few days AT LEAST!!!)
Rule 4
All downloads from the Internet, no matter how large, should take less than 5 minutes. My PC can shovel data around at 10MB per second (yeah right), so why can't I get downloads as quick?
Rule 5
Any web site that causes my browser to crash will incur costs - direct to my bank account as per Rule 3. Java errors cost double.
Rule 6
Waiting for your computer to "do something" should be abolished. This includes, booting up, shutting down, loading programs/files and anything else that causes me to sit and wait. I have spent half my life waiting for computers to "do things" and I'm not getting any younger!
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