Involving Mom

My son's basketball coach, having missed the first game of the season, called my house. He asked to talk to my husband, who was not home. The coach was not happy.

"Looks like I'm stuck talking to you," he said. I then made a vital error that probably hurt my son's basketball season. I got angry, and I felt the need to show off that I did, indeed, understand basketball. This coach did not appreciate a mom who could talk to him as an equal, and he made an effort to chew out my son loudly, looking up in the stands to see if he caught my attention.

This coach, thankfully, has been the exception so far in my sports mom career. But there are coaches who do not appreciate girls on "boy's" teams and who do not appreciate moms getting involved, unless mom is supplying the snack. However, there are many moms like me - moms who enjoy sports, who understand sports, and who actually watch the games for the games and not just for one kid.

Here are some things that I've learned over the past few years:

· Meet the coach immediately. If you are with your husband or with a man, make an agreement beforehand to have you do the talking. Establish right away that you are someone the coach can talk to.

· Be involved with more than simply attending games. Come to practices. Pay attention. Listen to how the coach coaches. After practice, ask for some advice on how to help your child practice a specific weakness. Coaches love to give advice.

· Talk to your child after every game. In the long run, what a coach thinks isn't as important as what your child thinks. Point out the child's strengths and weaknesses. Work with the weaknesses. I'll never forget the moment I got one coach's ultimate respect - when my son had a remarkable improvement from one game to the next, and he said, "My mom showed me what to do."

· Be a good fan. Cheer for all the kids. Cheer for good plays made by the other team. Know all of your child's teammates by name, not a number. A real nice thing to do is make an effort to congratulate all the kids on the team for individual achievements, not just pat the back of today's hero.

Coaches too often assume that Dad is the sports person in the family and Mom gets left out in the cold. With a little extra effort, Moms (who want it) can - and will - get equal status as an athletic parent.

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