Views of the Relationship between Coach and Players

Last time I talked about the relationship between coaches and players. This time, I'd like to share with you stories of coaches and players, as I had witnessed this season.

My son has been playing basketball for years, and for the first time, he truly respects his coach. His coach takes the time to talk to each kid individually, pointing out their strengths and weaknesses. He talks to the kids, and it is obvious that the boys take notice of this. I often see them chatting up the coach at practice. After every game and every practice, my son gets into the car and says, "my coach is a good guy," and continues to tell me why. I'm seeing the relationship build between them, and this is the kind of relationship where my son will be able to run into this coach years from now and have a friendly conversation. (As opposed to his coach from last year, who doesn't even acknowledge my son.) It's clear to me that the key is mutual respect between players and coach.

At the same time my son practices, another team is on the court. The coach is a screamer and he also encourages the kids to let one boy run the show. No other boy on the team takes a shot, unless this boy is on the bench. That's how the coach encourages play. He has long, end of practice meetings with his team, all gathered in a group. There are no individual conversations. There is very little respect between anyone on that team. My son's best friend, who plays on the team, can never remember the coach's name. This is not a man who will leave a lasting impression on the kids.

Finally, there is another team in the league, which is a really unique mix. The coaches are two high school girls who are shorter than most of the sixth grade boys on the team. The team consists of children of some of our community's most out-spokenly conservative citizens, the type who have openly stated that a woman's place is in the home. You can sense the discomfort of the parents around the young coaches, yet the team has responded. The interaction between players and coaches is easy and natural and comfortable. While these girls are more in the role of big sister, I can easily see them taking an active interest in the boys they coach. I've overheard them ask about school and girlfriends, in fact.

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