The Relationship between Athlete and Coach

I had interviewed an expert for another article, one about kids' keeping busy afterschool, but our conversation turned to the importance between a coach and an athlete.

For years, she told me, she didn't see much use for school athletics. She thought they wasted taxpayer money and sent the wrong message about athletics vs. academics, and that kids were celebrated more for their athletic achievements than their academic honors.

Some of that may still be true, she said, but when she began her research, she was astounded to discover the relationship that developed between a coach and the athlete. It was oftentimes a never-ending bond, with the athlete referring to his former coach as "Coach" for a lifetime, still seeking the advice of the former mentor many years after the reason for the interaction had passed.

None of this was new to me. I grew up with a Coach for a dad. I've seen first-hand, many times over, how a parent will try to talk to his/her son without any luck, but my dad could walk over, put his arm around his player, and have the player open up to him immediately. I remember times when my youngest brother would have his friends over, and we'd all be sitting around the living room watching tv when one of the young men would pipe up, "Coach, my girlfriend broke up with me and I don't know what to do," or "Coach, I'm afraid I'm going to fail math," or "Hey Coach, did you hear I got a new car?" My brother would roll his eyes as if to say "not again."

But this is the bond that coaches can forge with athletes. My expert had said that adults who mentor and coach come into the young person's life as a shared interest but the relationship emerges into one of respect, whereas the parent/child relationship begins with respect and may turn into one with shared interests.

There are a lot of parents out there who don't want their children involved in sports. But sometimes parents need to step aside and give their children the opportunity to create a relationship with an adult who isn't related and who isn't in a forced role of authority, like a teacher. Kids choose their activities because they like them. Coaches coach because they like what they are teaching. By this interaction, kids find they can have an adult to talk to, one who sees the athlete in a very different way than most of the other adults in the athlete's life.

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