“What did you do when your boys started biting, fighting and hitting?” I always answer this question the same way – “my boys have never done that. They are perfect little gentlemen. They have never even thought about biting, fighting or hitting each other.” And then I wake up and realize that I’ve been dreaming. They aren’t perfect and although they don’t bite each other anymore, they do still fight and hit.
Biting.
I believe toddlers bite for a specific reason – frustration! They so badly want to communicate and do things and then they get mad. And when they get mad, they bite. Your job is to show them that biting hurts and that there is a better way to deal with their frustration. So, what is the answer to biting? Bite them back. I know that sounds cruel and mean – but it works. Now, of course, I don’t mean to bite them so you leave a mark – just hard enough to show them that it hurts to get bit.
We had a problem with Alec biting Logan – all the time. It got so bad that Logan had bite marks all over his back. One day, I had enough and took action. I decided that every time Alec bit Logan, I would bite Alec and put him in his crib by himself. I would say, “No biting” and leave the room. I did this all day long and man was I tired by the end of the day. The reason – their bedroom is upstairs and we usually hung out in the family room – 2 levels below their bedroom. So: Alec would bite Logan, I would grab Alec, bite him on the arm, take him up to his room, put him in his crib, say “No biting” and leave the room. ALL DAY LONG! You know what? After that day, the biting incidences decreased dramatically. They didn’t disappear over night, but Alec sure knew that it hurt to bite someone. We still had some biting episodes, but that one day really worked. Yep – bite them back!
Fighting and hitting.
Well, here you are still getting some “frustration” issues. But more than anything, you are dealing with normal sibling behavior. The only thing that worked for me with these issues – time out and sometimes a small tap on the bottom. Most of the time my boys fought or hit each other because they wanted something the other one had. When I think back, it was usually Alec who wanted what Logan had. Logan would not give it up, Alec would hit him and then Logan would give it up. It actually got to the point where Alec would want something that Logan had and Logan would just automatically give it to Alec. I guess Logan figured that was easier than having Alec hit him and then give it up. We let this go on for awhile, but then told Logan that he had a right to play with all the toys too. He didn’t need to just give things to Alec just because Alec wanted them.
The copyright of the article BITING, FIGHTING AND HITTING in Parenting Twins is owned by . Permission to republish BITING, FIGHTING AND HITTING in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
