WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR TWINS START SEPARATING IN ABILITY???

My boys are trying out basketball this year. It’s the first year for after school sports for them. The problem? They made different teams. The good news is they have the same coach and they are happy about being on different teams. The other problem: one is a bit better at basketball than the other. So how do parents of twins react when one of their children are excelling and the other isn’t???

Amongst the 8th graders I teach, there is a twin boy. He is a repeating 7th grader, hope to catch him up and graduate him on to high school as an 8th grader. His sister is a freshman at the high school this year. I cannot help but think about their parents having to watch as one of their twins excels and the other does not.

We have been lucky. Our boys, so far, have stayed level in their learning and sports abilities. But I see that changing this year. First Logan wanted to play Soccer and Alec did not. Second, Alec is in a higher end reading class and Logan is not. My problem with this is, I want everything in their lives to be equal, forever – but that’s not happening!!

Ever since they were little, the boys have been asking me questions like, “Who is better at running?” “Who is better at reading?” “Who do you think can hit the puck harder?” My pat answer to them has always been, “Logan does this better and Alec does this better.” I’ve also told them that I will never compare them to each other and tell them that one is way better than the other one.

My advice when this happens to other parents is to not over compensate for the one who is not excelling. It’s ok to help them to become better, but it’s not ok to give gifts to the one who is not doing so well because the other one has something that that one doesn’t. And, on the same token, it’s not ok to praise the other one excessively because he/she is doing better than the other one. It takes a fine line and lots of practice to praise one and help the other one without either one feeling like they are left out.

When Logan got his first stitches (I say first, because I’m sure there are more to come); we bought him a special toy. Alec didn’t seem to mind, because Logan was hurt and Alec felt sorry for him. But, when Alec got his first stitches last fall, the first thing out of his mouth was, “Do I get a special toy?” Gosh, how can you not cave in to something like that – you have to keep things fair – don’t you???

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