COMPARING YOUR TWINS

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Dec 2, 2003

We just had the boys’ first 5th grade Parent/Teacher Conference. When we finished these, I was reminded of how different my twins are from each other. They both excel in math, but one is ahead in reading and the other has better handwriting. One likes to draw and color and the other would rather read a book. It also reminds me of something that is very important when raising twins – try not to compare them with each other!

I know that parents are constantly comparing their children. My parents did it: “Your brother is good in math, why aren’t you? Your brother has a clean room, why is yours always messy?” Steve and I have done this with the boys when they were little. “Alec has three teeth, Logan only has one. Logan can stand, why can’t Alec? Alec just said doggy, why won’t Logan say this? Logan always smiles, why doesn’t Alec?”

These comparisons when your kids are young aren’t so bad and they are perfectly normal. In fact, they may even help you recognize things that are wrong. For example, Alec talked earlier and more often than Logan. This led us to take Logan to speech therapy. We found out that Alec had been doing all the talking for both of them, so Logan didn’t need to talk. Logan got the help he needed and now rivals Alec in talking.

But, as the boys got older, we found that trying to compare them was futile. They have always been and always will be – two different people. There are some things they like the same: baseball, hockey and math. They both play instruments in band. They both like girls. But, they have different abilities and likes when it comes to doing those activities. They play different instruments, Logan likes brunettes and Alec gravitates towards blondes, Alec is a defense player in hockey and Logan is a wing, Alec likes pitching and Logan likes catching.

As a parent now, I can see why my parents always wondered why I wasn’t as good in math as my brother. But then again, why wasn’t my brother as good in English as me? The reason: two different people! No two people are going to be exactly alike in their abilities or likes or dislikes: twins or not.

So, how do you not compare your twins (or your regular siblings)? And yes, no matter what you do you will end up doing it anyway. Just keep repeating the following; “They are two separate people. They are two separate people. They are two separate people.” And, try to focus instead on their unique personalities and individuality. It’s those two things that are going to give you way more satisfaction than constantly worrying why one can do something and the other cannot

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