SHOULD TWINS HAVE THE SAME FRIENDS?

Before my boys were in school, they had the same friends. They played with the same kids, went to the same kids' houses and had the same kids over to play. Boy did that all change when they started school.

Before school, it was a matter of convenience. It was easy to go to a friends' house and have the boys play with the other kids there. It was easy for them to have the same kids over to play or to play with the same kids at a park. There was no differentiation between "my friends" and "your friends". They were simply "all friends together".

Obviously, when they started school - they had different friends from each other. I say "obviously" because they were in different classrooms and therefore played with different kids. They still had other mutual friends; but things did change somewhat.

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I would have to say that for convenience reasons it's a good thing for twins to have the same friends. It's just plain easier to have another set of twins over to play. Or just have one other kid come over and they all 3 play together. It's also easier to reinforce "sportsmanship" if all the kids who are playing together are friends. It's also easier when it comes to being invited to parties and over to someone's house. Both kids get invited and there are no hard feelings. When you get a "non-friend" of one kid in the mix, that's when you are asking for trouble.

But, on the other hand - it's also a good idea for twins to have separate friends. This is especially true if you decide to separate your twins in school (and obviously this "separate friends idea" will happen all on it's own). If your twins have friends all their own, they will develop their own personalities and their own sense of independence and they will be able to make decisions about people without their siblings' input. Even if you decide to keep your twins together in school, I still think it's a good idea to nurture separate relationships with other friends.

Mostly my boys have mutual friends (from Baseball, Hockey, Scouts); but in school - they have separate friends. This is good because they have something of their own - something their brother does not have. I will admit the boys have always been pretty good about introducing each other to their other friends. They've also been pretty good about including each other in play with their other friends. While I think they like having friends of their own, they have always been pretty sensitive about their brother not being left out. This is a quality that we have not had to nurture - it's just always been there. I don't know how they acquired this quality - but I sure like it.

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