In our house, every Thursday is Grandma day. Whether our teens feel like it or not, they go to spend the day with Grandma. We generally take her shopping, so they object somewhat less than they might otherwise.
If a grandparent is older and perhaps in poor health or with a poor mental state, it is important to help your teen learn who their grandparent was in younger days. They may have no memory of the grandparent as anything more than they are right now. Show them pictures of their grandparents as young people and tell them the stories you know about childhood, teen years and young adulthood. It can be surprising to teens that a frail grandparent was once homecoming queen, an athlete or an artist.
If the grandparent is able to share her own life with the teen, ask your teens to assist in creating a genealogy of the family, including the life story of their grandparent. As a family, create a list of questions you want to ask and then divide them into small related chunks. It is often difficult to cover too much ground at once, so keep the interviews short. Children can take turns visiting the grandparent and doing the interviews with the help of a tape recorder. Be sure to preserve the tapes, even after the biography is written. It can also be special to videotape the interviews, creating a memory that will become more valuable to the teen as he gets older.
Ask grandparents to work with teens on a project. Does the grandparent have a hobby or talent he can share with your teen? Passing on these skills preserves a legacy which allows the teen to someday tell his own grandchild, "My grandmother taught me to crochet and now I'm teaching you. It's becoming a family tradition."
When a teen comes to you for advice, consider sending him to a grandparent. Suggest that the grandparent has a better perspective on the situation--as a parent, you are too close. This can promote closeness and dependence as well as foster self-esteem. A parent often feels compelled to be critical; a grandparent is often accepting with no need to correct.
Instead of being the family newsbearer, send your child to pass along news himself. "Call your grandmother. She will be so excited that you made the team. Tell her we'll take her to your first game."
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