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Raise Your Own Child

© Terrie Lynn Bittner

When I worked in my church’s program for teenagers, leaders came to dread telephone calls from parents. Too often they began, “You need to teach my child . . . ” The lessons the parents wanted taught were invariably things the parents should be teaching the children. We would have to explain that although we could teach a forty minute lesson on respecting parents, dating morally or acting responsibly, we only saw the girls for a few hours a week. The parents were with them every day. The real teaching had to be done by the parents themselves.

A lesson taught in school or church does sometimes change the life of a teen who is ready to change anyway. There are many stories of teachers touching the heart of a teen and turning his life around. However, this is a dangerous way to parent. Unless the teen is receptive to the lesson, the lesson will not be learned. Teens don’t want their values coming from their teachers. They want them coming from their parents. Studies show that it is still the parent who has the greatest influence on teens. Teachers should only be reinforcing what the parent has already taught.

Discipline must also come from the parents. One of the greatest challenges our schools face today is that parents expect the schools to raise their children. Discipline, knowledge, motivation, character, values....somehow parents think all these things are the job of the school teacher. This is probably the primary reason schools are not successful. They have taken over the role of parent because many parents have decided they are too busy to bother. Often, they prefer the role of friend, leaving the hard work to the teachers. Lots of people can be their friends. Only you can be their parent. Be one.

Teachers and youth leaders can serve in a partnership with you. If you choose them carefully, they can reinforce what you are teaching your child. That is all they can do though-reinforce. It is important for parents to choose their parenting goals, set a course of action and carry it out. They can then look for outsiders to assist as role models or as those who might be able to present the material in a different way.

Get to know the leaders and teachers your child is spending time with. Find out who they are. Meet with school teachers. Visit with church or club leaders. Help them to see what your plan is, but make it clear to them, to your child, and to yourself that you will be doing the primary work. You would

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