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Driven Teens

© Terrie Lynn Bittner

College admission is becoming more and more competitive. Many colleges now require not just good grades, but honors classes, extracurricular activities, volunteer work and leadership experience. Some also want interesting work experience. With so many demands on their time, too many teens are finding themselves buried under a pile of extracurricular activities and school work.

The drive to succeed can cause many teens to fight stress once only experienced by ambitious working parents. In addition, they are so busy getting into college that they lose the fun of the teen years, and miss out on opportunities to develop a deep knowledge of subjects and activities they really care about. Instead, they shallowly skim the surface of whatever is required for college.

Part of the purpose of the teen years is to explore options and possibilities. Sampling a variety of activities can help them find out what they are really interested in. When they do find something, they can take the time to dig deep, explore and discover in a way that will not be possible later. Depriving them of this opportunity can have a lifelong negative effect. They may avoid pursuing art or writing simply because they aren’t good enough at it to get the attention a college is seeking, so they consider it unworthy of their time.

Parents need to monitor the stress levels of their teens. It is certainly important to do what is needed to get into college, but getting into college should not become the sole focus of a teenager. Teens need the time and freedom to also enjoy being a teenager. They need time to dream, to write in a journal, to listen to music, to aimlessly chatter with friends, to enjoy hobbies that they aren’t good at.

When you realize your teen is overloading her schedule, you need to schedule time to talk with her about it. Ask her about the classes she is taking and the activities she is involved in. Find out if she is enjoying them and if she has any unscheduled time in her life. If she is happy with her life, there may not be too much of a problem. Some teens thrive on a hectic schedule. She should, however, be encouraged to put unscheduled time into her life. Learning to entertain yourself is an important skill overscheduled teens often fail to develop.

Go over her schedule with her. (Most highly scheduled teens have planners, so the schedule will most likely be written out for review.) Ask her why each item is on her schedule and what she hopes to gain from the activity. If the fact that it looks good on a college application is the only reason it is there, it might be wise to ask her to consider its value. Is there another activity she can replace it with that would interest her more? Point out that one of the skills busy people learn to perfect is the ability to do two things at once. Being involved in an activity only to get into college is not time-efficient. If she chooses an activity which can get her into college but which is also fun, she is accomplishing two things at once, which is a more efficient use of her time.