Teen Socialization

Suppose Tim is talking to Wayne. Wayne is clearly in a bad mood, so Tim asks what is wrong. No problem. Wayne is likely to spend a good ten minutes or more telling Tim how unfair his parents are because they wouldn’t let him go to the concert. Tim can listen for a while, but eventually he will have to ask a question. By actively listening, he will begin to have questions. Why didn’t Wayne’s parents want him to go to the concert? Has Wayne ever gone to a concert before? Has he gone to one by this group? If so, what are they like? What makes this concert so important? By the end of the conversation, Tim will have let Wayne vent and will have learned more about Wayne. Even if Tim only asked a few questions, Wayne will remember Tim as a great conversationalist, because he enjoyed the conversation so much.

Quiet and intellectual teens may be looking for friends in the wrong places. Often it is easiest to make friends when everyone has a similar interest, or when people are involved in something active. Then conversation can revolve around the activity. These teens might try a drama class or a volunteer activity. They need to go places where intellectual or quiet teens go, so they can find others like themselves.

The important challenge for the parents is to accept the child’s personality, assuming it isn’t violent or unkind. It is not bad to be quiet or to prefer one close friend. A teen that doesn’t date in high school might have better luck in college with a larger variety of dates to choose from. If you constantly push him to have lots of friends, to date, to be popular, you will only make the problem worse. Accept that the role of social butterfly isn’t for everyone. There is room in this world for all types, and often the quiet ones, if accepted by their parents, will be the happiest in the adult world.

Enjoy who your teen is.

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