Parents On the Bleachers

"Dad, stop it! You're not my coach," a young girl hissed as her father yelled out coaching orders from the bleachers. Other parents looked at the girl with sympathy, but many of the parents didn't notice-they were too busy yelling instructions at their own teenagers.

Children often receive their first athletic training from their parents. Mom pitches softballs in the back yard. Dad shows his preschooler how to shoot a basket on the little adjustable hoop in the family room. When the child moves on to teams, the parent just can't step back and let go. They sit on the bleachers and scream orders to their children, yell at the coach, and generally embarrass and confuse their children.

Athletic activities have many advantages for teenagers. They teach sportsmanship, goal achievement, and discipline. They teach teens to work as a team and to take direction from a non- parental adult. When parents come between the child and the coach, this advantage is lost.

First of all, when a parent tries to coach, he only confuses the teen, who may be receiving conflicting instruction from the coach. There can only be one coach on the team, and it isn't the parent. Parents who are unable to restrain their need to coach should stay home and allow the teen to learn from his coach. If the parent truly believes the coach is unqualified, then he should find another coach for his child.

Secondly, a parent who steps between a coach and a teen is harming the teen's opportunity to learn to work with other adults. A parent who is tempted to take charge should ask himself if he intends to go to work with his child every day. At some point, the teen needs to learn to take direction and to respect the leadership of others. Whether or not the coach is correct in his decisions is not the issue. The issue is that the coach is the boss and the teen must obey unless she is being asked to do something immoral or dangerous. You would not want your spouse to come to work with you and second-guess every decision your boss makes in front of him. The coach is your child's boss. Back off.

Parental coaches embarrass teens. They consider this to be their world, and they don't want the parents getting in the way. Calling out to your child what he is doing wrong only makes the mistakes more obvious to the world. Would you want your child to announce your mistakes to the world? Of course not. Calling the coach names also embarrasses the child, and can cause friction between him and the coach. The coach may begin to resent the teen, or may simply wish the teen weren't on the team. Don't hurt your teen.

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