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Teenagers and Chores

© Terrie Lynn Bittner

Last week my daughter, after a conversation with some school friends, said, "I get so angry when my friends tell me they don't have any chores to do."

"Because you do and you don't think it's fair?"

"No, because they will be such irresponsible adults and I'll have to live in the world with them!"

Even a teenager is capable of understanding that in order for someone to become responsible, they must have responsibilities. This is the exclusive job of the parents, and cannot be shoved off onto the schools, churches and babysitters.

One way to build responsibility and competence is to assign regular chores. The moment my children could walk and hold a toy at the same time, they had chores, even if they were as simple as "Let's pick up these blocks together now that we're finished with them." Why? I'm lazy. I hate housework. When people tell me they don't give their children chores, I wonder if they really like housework that much. (Oh yes, I also want to teach them responsibility.)Now it's true that initially it is more work to make the children do chores than to do them yourself, but that won't last forever. One day they will wake up and understand how to clean their bedrooms (literally, it seems like.) One day they will clean them without being told. (Not always, but sometimes.) If you spend a little time preparing them to be homemakers-male and female-you can save hours of time later.

When I was ten, my mother was hospitalized and my old-fashioned father naturally put me in charge of the homemaking. My aunt provided meals, but I was supposed to clean and watch my younger siblings. The first day, I looked around the house, baffled. I had absolutely no idea what my mother did all day. She did all the housework herself while we went to school or played outside. It was then that I vowed never to put my children in that situation. A teenager should be able to completely run a home without help if necessary. That means boys should be able to cook and clean. Girls should be able to fix a leaky faucet or put oil in the car-and the other way around.

You can't just turn the house over to them without preparation. Instead of giving the children in your family specific chores that they always do, try rotating them. My children decided a few years ago to divide all the chores they were responsible for into three groups. They rotate between the groups every month. To me, one of the groups seems easier than the other two, but as they pointed out, it gives them something of a break every third month. It comes out evenly in the long run. They completely clean the living room, dining room, family room, hallways, entry ways and their bathroom. They set up their own plan so that everything gets done thoroughly during their month.