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Dating: Set the Rules Early

© Terrie Lynn Bittner

Most parents are torn. They want their children to be popular, but on the other hand, they would secretly prefer that their children never discover the opposite sex. It's inevitable, though. It seems the cootie stages end all too soon.

The time to start making the rules for dating is long before the opposite sex stops having cooties. Decide early on when your children will be allowed to date, and how. It is best to increase the level of dating gradually, to allow your children to gain maturity and experience before finding themselves in situations which are hard to handle.

For most people, dating will eventually lead to marriage, and it is through dating that they learn what kinds of people they like and how to maintain a successful relationship. Even if a teen thinks he will never marry, he may change his mind when he meets someone amazing. With this in mind, you need to set dating rules that will help teens learn about relationships without allowing them to become involved in an adult-level relationship before they are ready.

In our family, teens may not date until they are sixteen years old, and then they may only double date until they are eighteen. Before that, only group dating is allowed. Group dating is preferred until the age of eighteen. Does this seem a little strict? Before you send your ten-year-old out on a date, ask yourself this: If he is dating at the age of ten, what will be left to progress to by the time he is fourteen? Probably nothing you want him doing.

Romance is an adult activity, and it requires maturity. Children who date too soon may never learn to know members of the opposite sex as people and as friends. A number of years of mixed friendships and outings give teens a chance to get to know each other without the complications of romance. Later, this understanding can help them make wiser choices in their dates, and can also help romances and even marriages last. After all, we know the passionate romance of early marriage is fun, but it is the friendship between spouses that gets couples through the rough times. Give your teen a chance to make friends with his future dates first.

Group dating, which many experts say is gaining in popularity, has real benefits for teens. When I was in high school, the seniors in our drama club promoted this concept heavily, making it seem much "cooler" than serious relationships. Once we tried it, we were hooked. Here's how it works: Teens go out in a large group. They don't start out paired off, although they probably end up that way. However, since they did not come with a specific date, they are not committed to staying with that person all evening.