Family Rules That Teach Self-mastery
The last rule is my safeguard. It covers anything I just want the kids to do that doesn't necessarily fit anywhere else. It allows me to trust my instincts. When I tell a teen to be home earlier than usual because I have an uneasy feeling, I am unable to explain my reasons. The activity might not seem to contradict any other rule, but I feel in my heart that there is danger lurking, and I just want to be obeyed. It allows me to ban headphone radio sets from the living room, which was designed for family interaction. I try not to use this rule too often, because it can bring me right back to that thousand-rule list I tossed out.
When teens are confronted with a new situation, they can no longer use the excuse, "Well, you didn't tell me specifically that I couldn't ride Jim's motorcycle without a helmet." If you didn't know Jim had a motorcycle, it wouldn't have occurred to you to tell your child that, but still, you know he knew better. With this system, your teen would know he can't do this because it violates the rule to be safe. Teens using this system will develop decision-making skills that will protect them throughout their lives. They can look at a situation, and evaluate it for themselves. It's a system that even regulates adults effectively.
To instigate such a system, you will need to help your children practice. It is harder to figure out for yourself if it is wrong to not do your homework than it is to just be told that it is wrong. Start by creating situations or behaviors your children might encounter. Write them on slips of paper and place them in a box. Then call a family meeting to rehearse. Explain each rule and what it means. Put them on a chart that can be displayed in several places throughout the house. Have your children take turns pulling situations from a box and deciding which rule covers that situation. Could they do this activity or not?
For example, a teen might have a situation that says, "Your friend invites a group over to watch videos. When you arrive, you realize the movie is rated R. Will you watch it?" Our church teaches us not to watch R-rated movies, so this would come under the first rule and would be wrong. You might follow
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