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Setting and Enforcing Curfews

© Terrie Lynn Bittner

When I was a junior in high school, our prom queen had to be crowned very early in the evening, and missed most of the dance: she had a nine-thirty curfew which was not flexible even for prom.

My own parents had struggled with the issue of curfews. When the issue first arose, my father took the research approach: he tried to figure out the average curfew for junior high school students in the United States that year. When I reached high school, however, the curfew problem resurfaced. I was in drama, and cast parties started after the play. A party that didn't start until 11:30 wouldn't be over by my midnight curfew. My mother and I ganged up to convince my father that having a consistent curfew didn't work. The curfew needed to be based on the event, especially when I was carpooling. Faced with the possibility of having to drive me home from every activity, he gave in.

A flexible curfew was a little more difficult to manage. It meant negotiating every event, although eventually we came up with a time for the days I was just hanging out with friends. If I was going to a game with friends, my mother and I would discuss the event in detail. Not only did this help her to figure out what the curfew should be, but it also allowed her to know more about my whereabouts.

"What time does the game end?" "Ten o'clock, more or less. You know how games are." "Who are you going with?" "Lisa, Jim, Karen and Todd. Lisa's driving. Todd's parents said we could all go to his house afterwards for pizza, so I probably won't be home until midnight." "Then let's set the deadline for midnight, and if you'll be later, or if you leave Todd's house, call me."

This provision was necessary because to some extent, I was at the mercy of the driver. I was expected to let my friends know my curfew, though, and to get their agreement to honor it. Generally, this worked pretty well for us and most of my friends were envious of the arrangement I had with my parents.

Here in Illinois, the state has a youth curfew. While it is too strict, and too early for my tastes, it does solve the question of what time to have my younger children home. My oldest, at seventeen, is beyond the state curfew age, but we have the same agreement with her that I had with my own parents. If she is just hanging out, she still has to be home at a reasonable hour, because she knows I don't sleep until she's home. Coming home at a reasonable hour is considered a courtesy.

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