A Helping Hand

Usually, when someone we know is faced with a challenging situation, we reach out to offer help and support. Whether it's a divorce or the passing away of a loved one, friends help other friends any way they can. So why is it, when a child with special needs is born, friends shy away or disappear altogether?

I submit to you that when a friend of yours has a child with a disability, that's exactly when they need you the most. Divorce, death, and finances are all things that most everyone is familiar with. Most people don't have any idea what it's like to have a child with special needs, and that is precisely why you should stand by your friends when it happens.

When a doctor walks into the room and informs you that your child has a disability, it's like entering another world you didn't even know existed. Priorities change almost instantaneously and suddenly you realize just how much you need a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. Unfortunately, when most people turn around, they find that most of their support system has crumbled. That isn't to say that family beats a path to the exit door too, in fact, it's just the opposite. Often the birth of a child with special needs draws family closer together in a common concern and goal.

For some reason I'll never fathom, friends and acquaintances act like you have brought the black plague to town and are suddenly unavailable. I admit, I was very lucky that the small group of friends I have were very accepting of my daughter and more than willing to let me cry on their shoulder when things got tough. But, I have talked to countless mothers who did not have the same experience and suddenly felt very alone in a frightening situation.

Believe it or not, not all mothers of special needs kids are made of steel. Every once in a while even we break down and need someone to help pick us up again. Even I can't escape the nagging worries I have about my daughter's future heart surgery and although I try not to let it rule my feelings, sometimes it weighs my heart down. So, I pick up the phone, call a friend, and unload a little bit of frustration. It helps, and my friends realize how important it is to let me vent once in a while.

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