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Love of All Things

© Mary Ballzigler

For Valentine's Day, Orion had to make valentines for all the children in his class and was struggling with who got which valentine. There were many frustrated cries as he tried to decide if he should give the class bully one. When I told him that even the children he didn't like must be loved, Orion firmly let me know "I can't love someone who is mean to me. I just can't. That wouldn't be fair." For such a small child he can really throw out some very puzzling observation. Why can't he love someone who is mean to him? Love is not a compensation system, yet it appears that perhaps culture has made it so. His comment brought visions to me of two people using love as currency. "You've been thoughtful to me so I'll give you two units of love." To be completely honest, it still puzzles me. I'm no closer to understanding why love in general has become such a conditional thing. I know I love my children and my husband unconditionally. But could I honestly say I unconditionally love the people that are aggressive towards me? It's given me much to ponder. As our children get older they need to be reminded of the one lesson that will give them the power to over come any situation. Instead of the quick fix they are seeking offer them the lesson of how to show unconditional love.

Children begin life loving everything they see, touch, hear, taste, and feel. They know nothing but love. At this stage in life they are pure spiritual gold. As the amazement and newness of everything wears off they begin to become more selective. It is our job as parents to show our children how to love when loving becomes harder to do. The grade school student might be baffled by the thought of loving the bully on the playground. The adolescent child may very well believe that all around her, anyone in an authority position is purposely trying to make her life more difficult and therefore does not love her. But it all depends upon how they are taught to love. So, how do we teach our children to love all things?

Have you ever been to the zoo and heard someone comment that the aardvark had a face only its mother could love? What makes a mother's love unconditional? Is it purely biological or something deeper and mystical? James W. Prescott, Ph.D., in his paper The Origins of Human Love and Violence writes, that "in normal development these emotional-sensory systems are combined in rich patterns of complex sensory stimulation which results in the development of a "neurointegrative" brain where "Basic Trust", "Affection" and "Intimacy" are integrated with one another, to form an emotional brain gestalt that can be called "Love"-long before the infant can understand the spoken or written word which is mediated by the auditory and visual cognitive senses." I'm sure James Prescott did plenty of research and his methods were very scientific, but I can't personally accept that the reason I'd lay in front of a train for my sons is simply because of a neurointegrative brain.

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