Mary Jane Attacks Again
© Reginald Vickers
As you read my articles you realized that I have an addiction: shopping. They say that a person who is addicted to one thing can easily be addicted to something else too. Addiction has more to do with the person's physiological make-up than with the chemical make-up of the product. That brings me to admitting that I have an addiction problem with something else besides shopping: peanut butter and more specifically, Mary Jane peanut butter candy. They say that you don't realize you have a problem until it interrupts your life. This last week peanut butter caused an embarrassing situation for me.
As most of you know I am a "program manager" for Transylvania Vocational Services. This means that my life consists of three things: helping people with disabilities find employment, running errands for the office, and sitting in lots and lots of meetings. While gathering Halloween candy for the office last Tuesday, I came across something I had not seen in a couple of years: Mary Jane Peanut butter candy.
The last time I saw them was when my brother-in-law gave us a year's supply of them for Christmas. I indulged myself to the extent that I woke up from a two-day peanut butter/sugar high. I was sitting naked behind a locked door in the back bedroom, surrounded by candy wrappers and covered in sticky peanut butter substance. I had eaten the whole barrel in those few days. My wife made me swear that I would never touch Mary Janes again. I said I wouldn't.
This time it was different- the bag was smaller and I knew that I had matured into a more self-controlled individual. Buying one 12-ounce bag would not hurt me. At least that is how I justified this purchase. I had to make a long drive to meet with a potential employer. I was a little nervous, as I wanted to make a good impression. I decided that there is nothing more relaxing than eating a few Mary Janes as I traveled towards my destination. There are probably 40-50 Mary Janes in a bag. I don't know if there is any record for Mary Jane eating but I would say that one piece per minute could get me at least a runner-up mention in Ripley's Believe It or Not.
