The Company Picnic that Almost Got Out of Hand

A few weeks ago I learned the importance knowing where to get good inexpensive eyewear. It was 3rd down at the company picnic. The guys had the ball on the 30-yard line. The ladies had recently scored another touch down to go up 14-7. There was 2 minutes to play. The game had not been that physical up to this point but it was getting down to the wire. In the huddle, Charles called the play. I was the center and it was my job to keep the women off of Charles. As I walked to the line, I could that this simple game of touch football just went to the professional level. Rilla, our sweet bookkeeper began to snort and growl. Lenora started yelling, "Kill 'em! Kill "em!" And Holly, our company blond began yelling, "Let's get a touchdown." Rilla whispered something in her ear, and Holly corrected herself, "Let's stop that touchdown!"

The guys looked at each other in disbelieve. These were not the same women that we had worked with in the office. They were bound and determined to beat these office jocks (and me). Charles, the quarterback, was not only a star college football hero but also more recently a coach and a ref. Ernest was in his better shape than 10 years previous when he was working out at the Marine health spa (AKA boot camp). Jim a star athlete in his own right- mountain climber and downhill skier). Then there was me. When I played pickup football in school I was always the last one chosen. (My Momma told me that it was because they always save the best for last). I was included in every play. I was the one they depended on to go long. I was told that this was the most important position in the game. So we knew that it was a fluke that they were ahead of us. We knew that we had the ability and talent to bury them.

The slow motion of the play still lives in my head. The stuttered count, the snap, the "Grrrrrr" from Rilla. I can even see the surprised look on my face as she forearmed me across the face (I think I had an out-of-body experience at that time). Then seeing her rush the quarterback and sack him for a 15-yard loss. The reason I know that it was an out-of-body experience is that I could see clearly everything that happened. Yet my glasses went flying with the snap of the ball and the appearance of the elbow up my right nostril. My glasses had become mangled wire pop art.

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