The Looking Glass Self; Who Holds Our Reflections?

An interesting discussion might be that of the theory of the Looking Glass Self, a work of an early sociologist, Charles Horton Cooley. Cooley felt, in part, that an individual and society do not exist separately, but rather one is the product of the other: "each to each a looking-glass reflects the other that doth pass."* There are three parts to the concept; how the individual thinks the other conceives him, how the individual thinks the other judges that conception, and the reaction of the individual to those conceptions and judgments.

I can imagine what a group of diverse people sitting around discussing this may argue, both pro and con of the theory. What a lively exchange it could be, blending young and old, liberal and conservative, and experienced and inexperienced into the same group. Ah, how many of those individuals, I wonder, would have dressed to convey an image to the others, would speak in certain manners in order to impress or distress, or would consider what the import of their statements would have upon the other group members?

Accepted at face value, the theory seems to imply that each person is no more than a mere reflection of society. Taken less literally, which seems more realistic, the theory points out that we are products of our cultures, our physical surroundings, and the human beings with whom we associate. Generally, I think it can be agreed, most people want to fit into society in some manner. And to fit in means to conform to some of the rules of the group to which we belong, or aspire to belong.

Not too big a leap from that supposition, then, is that those people with whom we surround ourselves influence a great many of us. The type of people with whom we associate differs through the various stages of our lives; the drinking buddies we may have had in our early twenties may not be the same people we want as godparents for our children. The folks from weekly Sunday worship are probably not the people we would invite to a bachelor party.

And so, as we grow older, what type of people ought we gravitate to? What reflections of ourselves do we want to nurture? It depends on how each of us view the process of aging, what and when is "old age" to each of us, do we plan to "go gently into the night"** or will we remain active in and throughout the middle and latter stages of life, just as we did in our physical youth? There are no wrong answers, merely different ways for different people. Simply being aware of the influences others have on us is important. In that way, we can more actively choose those from whom we are reflected, and be mindful of how we react to others, as reflections of who they are.

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