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Grammie's House-A Comfort Zone

© Deborah A Licht

Families go through a lot of changes. There are divorces, loss of a loved one, illness, accident, family additions (newborn, step parent or step sibling), relocation, job loss, alcohol and drug abuse, and family violence to name a few.

Grandchildren need to know they have a safe place to go when their world is in turmoil, seems turned inside out and just plain unfair. A grandparent's house can be a haven of loving comfort, where a grandchild can get away from a distressing situation for a short while. Any family crisis can be devastating to a child. The children often feel they caused the distressing event in someway. Their sense of security is threatened, they feel the situation is controlling their young life, and they have no say. The child's confidence may be shaken and they may feel lost or abandoned. A child needs nurturing to get through a family crisis or unsettling event. You as their grandparent can offer and provide the comfort zone they so desperately seek.

Most important let your child and grandchild know you are there for them. Tell them from time to time that your door is always open. Let them know you want them to come to you in good times and bad. Even if you live far away, you can still keep in close contact by phone or internet. Being available for emotional support, even if not in person, is always a comfort to those in need. When a family crisis happens, offer to take your grandchild for a few days until the situation has calmed down. Your child will be grateful for the support system, knowing their child is with you in a calmer environment. Your child will then be able to do whatever they need to do without stressing about their children, hopefully ending the crisis sooner. Again if you live far apart, offer to drive half way to pick up your grandchild, or offer to pay half for a transportation ticket if your finances allow.

Initiate conversations, let your grandchild know things may not be the same and assure them everything will be better soon. Tell your grandchild their secrets are safe with you. Listen intently when your grandchild expresses concerns or feelings. Allow your grandchild the freedom to speak. Try hard not to interrupt or interpret what they are trying to say. Instead, ask easy questions for clarity. Repeat what your grandchild says in an understanding way, this helps them to open up, expand, and express a little bit more of what they are feeling. Do not dismiss whatever they are feeling, just like adults, children have feelings they can not control or understand. Always finish a conversation with a happy thought, a hug, gentle touch or kiss on the forehead. Use whatever loving gestures are comfortable, but not overwhelming. Remember your grandchild is in a tender emotional state and needs tender care.