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Whistling past the graveyard

© Robert F. Engler III

Gary Bettman woke up the other day, got the milk out, sniffed it, found it had gone sour, then put it back in the 'frig and hoped it would taste ok tomorrow.

That sounds like the thinking behind the Commish's latest brainstorm to improve the officiating in the NHL.

This year, he says, the refs are not simply going to enforce the rules. No, says he, this year they are really, really going to enforce the rules.

Yo, dog, queue up the loop tape. Hockey fans heard him promise better officiating a year ago about this time, and the year before that about this time, and ... well, just put the milk back and it will be ok tomorrow.

The sad fact is, NHL referees and linesmen as a group have established over the past few years the most disgraceful record for bad calls, missed calls, and blown calls in all of sport.

This year's magic bullet: Laptop computers. Yep. The Commish is giving every ref a laptop, which may be a bit ambitious, as many of the zebras, it seems, don't know how to work a whistle.

"All games are going to be watched every night, and we're going to have the ability to give officials instantaneous critiques of what they did very well and what needs work. We think that accountability and supervision will be a plus," Bettman told the Associated Press last week.

Huh? Has the league not been watching all along? Turn on the TV, Gary. Instantaneous critiques? Pick up the phone! And if you think accountability and supervision "will be a plus," Betts, does that mean the league hasn't been supervising its officials and holding them accountable?

The lapdog from the AP didn't press the Commish (after all, the establishment hockey press has an image to uphold), but if you ask any fan, the answer to the last is obvious. Click over to http://polyholiday.com/lists/NHLrefs.html for a fan-dandy critique of the NHL's men in stripes. A few excerpts:

Kerry Fraser - If there was such a penalty as "Obstruction - refereeing", this perfectly-coiffed goofball would be the primary recipient. Fraser affects the outcome of games.

Terry Gregson - He'll call a slashing penalty on an accidental tap of the stick to the opponent, then turn a blind eye to someone getting tomahawked right in front of him.

Paul Devorski - If there was a handbook for biased refereeing, this man would be the author. When the NHL wants to affect the outcome of a game, they send Bettman's buttboy.

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