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Tell me about the European game again

© Robert F. Engler III

Research scientists at The Institute for Hockey Affairs are studying the apparent inverse relationship between any given NHL team's chances of playoff success and the number of Russians, Swedes, Finns, Latvians, Czechs, Danes, Germans, Morrocans, and Belgians on its roster.

"There is a belief that Euros, most of whom never heard of the Stanley Cup until they got off the boat, just do not want to win it as much as the Canadians and Americans do," said Dr. Freddy Shero IV, director of the Institute.

"Sure, Euros skate pretty. They pass like laser beams, they prance around, run nifty weaves in the offensive end, and kiss one another on the cheek when they score. Oh, yes, and they don't fight which, for some reason, is important to people who think the European game is superior to Old Time Hockey," Dr. Shero said. "But, if you want to win in the playoffs, you better have a bunch of boys who've never wanted more out of life than to get their (bleeping) names on the Stanley Cup," he continued.

Shero said Institute research team was particularly interested in the second-round series in the Eastern Conference. New Jersey held Toronto to just six (six!) shots in the last game of their series and eliminated the Maple Leafs, who have a higher Euro-to-North American ratio than the Devils. More telling, according to Dr. Shero, was the Philadelphia Flyers systematic dismantling of the Euro-rich Pittsburgh Penguins.

The Flyers cemented their position as a Team of Destiny by spotting the Pens a 2 games-to-none lead in the series, then beating them in overtime, eviscerating them and pulling even with the 5OT win in Game Four, skewering the remains with a 6-3 win in Game Five, and completing the sweep by winning Game Six, 2-1.

"This series actually ended with 3:14 gone in the second period of Game Five when Jaromir Jagr told Coach Herb Brooks that he had seen enough and was going to wait on the bus," Shero said.

Jagr was not a factor in the 5OT game, he quit in Game Five,and got a few shots but was handled cleanly by Flyers rookie G Brian Boucher.

Besides Jagr, who surely must light a candle to the Hockey Gods every night for giving him the skills to escape a lifetime on the line in a Prague tractor factory, the Pens are burdened with 17 other Euros, and together they just did not have the heart to play with the Flyers' 18 North Americans.

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