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What To Give Your Customers, Colleagues, and Kin--The Gift That Returns, Guaranteed!

© Richard Kent Matthews

(Word Count: 650)

Another tie, another bottle of perfume, a computer calendar, some chocolates. Do I really need more of that stuff ? I know they mean well, but, gosh, where's the imagination, the creativity, the warmth?

I suppose I'm no different. When I get out in those crowded malls and busy streets, I go brain dead. No matter the occasion, I just buy the first convenient thing I see. I save the receipt in case they want to return it for something they can actually use.

Sound familiar? If so, let me offer a possible alternative. In recent studies, it's been shown that the greatest hunger in our nation is not for food (though that in itself is a great way to share our good fortune with others). The hunger is not even for companionship, as important and necessary as that is. The greatest hunger among people of every persuasion is the desire--the need--to be heard. Just to be listened to with open mind, open arms, open heart. Let me spill my tears and my guts without judgment, without criticism, without disgust. Can I ever receive that from anyone without paying $200 an hour on the couch? And even then, am I convinced the listener even cares? I may be just one more in an assembly line.

It's easy to say to people, please become better listeners. Okay, so how to do that. . .

First, it must be our intention to listen. We need to get clear within ourselves why it would even be important for us to be good listeners. After all, what's in for us? Why would we take the time to develop skills that may or may not serve our own needs?

What's in it for us are better relationships, grateful customers and clients, happier spouses and children, a better world in which to live. Sound simplistic? Read on.

Second, we must make the commitment to listen. A commitment is not a promise; a commitment is an expected result that determines our present-moment behavior. We can tell by our daily practices and interactions with others just how committed we are to listening, and then adjust accordingly. (Actually, if you want to know what you're committed to, on any level, look at what you have in your life and what you are doing on a consistent basis. That'll tell you.)

Third, we must be silent, inwardly as well as outwardly. No interrupting, no wandering off mentally, no 'waiting to talk,' no judging.