Two births, two different midwives, and two entirely different experiences. I have had time to reflect on both births and realized that the power of suggestion, both verbal and nonverbal, had a tremendous influence over how the births proceeded. I made the mistake of believing that midwives have similar mindsets and that there was no need to discuss my image of how the birth would proceed. I was wrong, and in hindsight, my second birth was much less satisfying than the first. In fact, I felt very low after the second birth knowing… or perhaps feeling that I didn’t have control over the events that were taking place.
Let’s compare births to illustrate how powerful the “Power of Suggestion” can be. During my first pregnancy, I developed a close relationship with my midwife. Her student, who I had met several times, was very warm and open and I welcomed her presence at the birth. I was never pressured to have her present, and my midwife suggested I think carefully about whether or not I would be comfortable with her there. I decided that ‘yes’, I was comfortable, and she joined in the events.
During the labour and delivery, both midwife and student were quiet during contractions. My husband and I were left to labour together peacefully, and the midwife joined in just as the head was emerging (we were given the opportunity to lift the baby out on our own, but wanted the midwife to assist). During a break between contractions, an occasional soft word of encouragement was heard. When I expressed doubt (a common sign of transition or full dilation), again, encouraging words were spoken. I never lost control of the situation and felt confidence in my body during the entire event. I emerged birthing with a stronger sense of self and a deep emotional attachment to my child.
The second birth followed an entirely different course of events. I never had a single midwife and met with a group of them. I did not know who was going to be at the birth, and in fact a woman I had never met before showed up during the labour. The dilation was not nearly as difficult as with the first birth, but when the pushing began it quickly overwhelmed me. Why? I asked myself this question several times and slowly the answer emerged.
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