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Getting the Men Involved

© Kristin Steinmetz

I knew a couple in college who took the idea of mutuality in a relationship very seriously. Every morning, when the woman popped her birth control pill, the man colored in the circle on the cardboard insert so they could both feel involved. Apart from this conscientious couple, however, it’s a fact of life that women usually take responsibility for birth control. Unless a man uses a condom, gets a vasectomy, withdraws, or creates token gestures like my college friend above, it’s generally the woman who swallows the pill, gets fitted for the diaphragm, or visits her gynecologist for an IUD. . . and deals with any physical and emotional side effects that may result.

The beauty of Natural Family Planning as a method of birth control (and pregnancy achievement) is that it holds great potential for involving men in the process. Both partners must interpret charts, communicate about fertile/infertile times, abstain (or use a barrier method) at times, and make decisions together. This constant communication and awareness of fertility cycles can increase intimacy and strengthen the relationship.

Even Natural Family Planning can become a lopsided endeavor, however, if the woman takes her temperature, keeps the charts, interprets her cycles, and makes the decisions, while the man is reduced to simply asking, “Is it safe now?” If you would like to get your man involved in the process beyond asking the “Is it safe now. . .?” question, here are some ideas.

Invite your partner to participate in the charting. I’ve heard stories of husbands popping the thermometer in their wives’ mouths, taking it out at the beep, and reading off the temperature. I’ve also heard of men who keep the chart, filling out the information each morning down to the grittiest detail of cervical fluid and breast tenderness. I know one couple who, when trying to conceive a child, had the husband check the wife’s cervical position around the time of ovulation so they could best time intercourse. Surely this kind of male involvement brings new meaning to the idea of physical intimacy in a relationship!

Help your partner grow to understand your fertility cycles and charts. It took me some time and some research to understand my cycles. How much longer it must take a man to understand these cycles when he has no first hand experience of them. Natural Family Planning is a learning process for both members of the partnership. Go over your charts together. Explain the significance of changes in basal body temperature, cervical fluid, and cervical position. Let him in on some of the strange particulars of your cycle. Try reading together Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility or this series of articles, or take a class together on Natural Family Planning (see links for more information). Some months I have trouble understanding my cycles. It’s a comfort to have a husband who can help me interpret them and understand my confusion.

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