The Family Bed: A Hot Bed for Debate


© Lara E. Kaskabas

Bringing your children into bed with you is not always a "decision". Often it happens by default. Parenting by instinct leads us to do things which feel natural and happen naturally. Contrary to the opinion held by most of my family, we are not on a mission to defy the norms of society. Raising our children is not a grand scheme of subversive action or an act of civil disobedience -- we are simply trying to parent in the most natural, most loving and nurturing way we know how. This is the story of how my husband and I "fell into" (excuse the pun) our family bed.

I remember my first night with my daughter. There we were all alone in the hospital room together. I barely noticed the surroundings, I was so enraptured by her face, her tiny fingers, her sweet scent, her sighs. She slept an hour or two in the little plastic warmer beside my bed. But I could not resist the urge to hold her, to let her feel my warmth and soothe her with the rhythm of my heartbeat. So I held her at my breast all night long waking every hour watching the clock tick away the night. Our first night at home was a mixture of tears and worry and fear. There was wailing and crying and worrying and then I finally realized all I had to do was soothe her at my breast -- for as long as she wanted. The pediatrician who visited my room in the hospital had told me, "Don't let her use you as a pacifier -- nurse every 2 hours -- but don't let her stay at your breast constantly." Those words kept running through my head over and over again. "Am I doing this wrong?" I kept asking myself. Allowing her to nurse whenever she needed to was my first decision to go against the grain. I realized that my heart and my instincts were a more reliable source than any physician or pediatric nurse, or mother-in-law, for that matter. So for the next several nights I would stay awake most of the night nursing the baby in every imaginable position in a rocking chair in her nursery.

I had read in several magazines and books that nursing your baby to sleep is a terrible mistake -- allowing the baby to become dependent on you to be soothed and comforted to sleep every night (what an absurd notion -- for a parent to comfort an

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Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: View all related messages

1.   Jun 8, 2000 12:08 PM
Hi, again! Your passion for this topic reminds me of myself a few years ago when I first found out that the family bed wasn't a bad way to parent my child and when I found out it was okay to answer m ...

-- posted by mykidzmom





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