The New Intimidator Has Arrived

The NASCAR 2000 season has suggested that there is no longer such a thing as a dominant team in Winston Cup racing. Twelve different winners in the first fourteen races has convinced me that anyone with a lick of talent has the chance to hit it big in this sport with the right team. So today I am officially announcing my career change, I am going to become a stock car racer. I know it won't be easy but I have the guts and determination to not only reach the top level in racing but to be a champion. And to think that I owe this whole crazy idea to a trip to the go-kart track a few short weeks ago.

I decided to take my girls to the go-kart track for a little non-stop family fun. The cars are made to look like mini versions of NASCAR stock cars and we love them. This was our third trip to the track and I seem to always take on the personality of whatever car I get to drive. The first time I finished last in the Realtree look a like Chevy. The second race it seemed fitting that I drove the K-Mart Route 66 Ford since I had to buy my way into the race. This time I drove to victory in the Goodwrench Chevy. As I came off the track my life was about to change. "You drove an incredible race. I couldn't believe some of the passes you made out there, " said the guy running the track. I smiled and said, "I want to thank Joe for setting this car up it was simply awesome tonight. That Goodwrench Chevy was running like it was on a rail. I didn't mean to turn my daughter down in turn three on the last lap but that's racing." It was right then I knew I had what it took to make racing my career. A lot of drivers have the talent to win a race but it takes true greatness to give a great interview in Victory Lane!

All it takes to win in stock car racing is desire, a great team, and talent. I figured since I already had the desire that I was already a third of my way to success! Since the established teams were unlikely to support my effort I knew I would have to build a team from the ground up. I figure my friend Shawn from work is a logical choice for my crew chief. Shawn and I work well together which is important and he knows everything there is to know about cars. Also if he gives me that menacing "Dirty Harry" stare of his during the final pit stop I will be motivated to drive real fast! My first innovation in racing will be my choice of jack man. I will hire THE ROCK from the WWF. I figure if the car ever falls off the jack he can simply pick the car up himself saving us valuable time in the pits. Also if we get into a fight with another team because of my rough driving style we should be in good shape. If he glares at the NASCAR official I doubt we will ever get a stop and go penalty! I then found a guy from the ACME Corporation in a NASCAR chat room on the Internet that says his company would finance the whole operation. He says ACME makes specialty products such as giant rubber bands and jet powered roller-skates. I was amazed just how easy it was to convince a major corporation to back an up and comer like me. I guess when you have talent like mine it is obvious to everyone.

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