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The Myth of Romantic Love: continued

© Linda Casselman

Let's continue our exploration of the Myth of Romantic Love this week by delving deeper into the Tristan and Iseult (Isolde) story from Arthurian legend.

First, let's have a brief look at what we've done so far.

As we saw last time, Don Juan, the passionate lover in constant search for new sexual conquests, represents Eros, sexual love. Unfortunately, many in today's society equate this kind of passionate love with true love. So this is the first Myth of Romantic Love in our exploration - that sexual passion equals romantic love.

Next, let's turn our attention back to the legendary story of Tristan and Iseult. In this story, the two lovers give up the world for love; and this is the second Myth of Romantic Love - Agape, spiritual love.

Tristan and Iseult both are heroic characters; both are noble and beautiful; and both are equal. They fall in love with each other, but Iseult is duty-bound to marry King Mark, and she keeps her promise. This is an important detail in the story because the Medieval understanding of Romantic Love involved the notion of adultery.

The love that Tristan and Iseult feel for each other is religiously absolute and pure. Each is the other's ultimate good, and all other relationships in their lives fade to insignificance. For Tristan and Iseult, their sexual love is symbolic of their true passion. Their ultimate goal is not, like Don Juan, the union of their bodies, but the union of their souls! They suffer because their bodies are in the way of their love. Since each is married to another, the joining of their bodies in sexual love would be a sin anyways, so they heroically choose to become one in death.

By saying that Eros and Agape are strains of the Myth of Romantic Love, we are not saying that they do not exist. They do indeed exist! We are suggesting, rather, that Eros and Agape are notions prevalent in our culture based on certain ideals. Those ideals are here in question.

We believe that sexual love, like in the Don Juan story, and spiritual love, like in the Tristan and Iseult story, are the ideal love situations to attain in life. And the media perpetuates this myth, invading our lives.

This is the Myth of Romantic Love.

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