Why do I Feel Guilty?

Why do I feel guilty? Let me count the ways...

1. I feel guilty when my husband has to come home from work and cook dinner (again) because I'm too tired...

2. I feel guilty when I disappoint a child because my vision is too poor to read a bedtime story...

3. I feel guilty when my family has to leave the festivities early because I need to take a nap...

4. I feel guilty when I fill a prescription and realize how much it's costing my family (and my insurance company)...

5. I feel guilty when I look at our minivan and recall how much my husband adored the "performance" car he traded it in for...

6. I feel guilty when I have to plan an "accessible" vacation instead of mountain hiking or a frolic on the beach...

There's more, but for me to make an exhaustive list would just be overkill. You get the idea.

As I counted the number of times I've felt guilty since being diagnosed with MS, I was actually a bit surprised. With a chronic illness, one expects to feel denial, loss, and even grief. But guilt? That seems strange to me. After all, I've done nothing wrong. I was minding my own business when MS hijacked my life and took my dreams hostage. So why do I constantly carry around this sense of...shame?

According to the National MS Society's booklet, Multiple Sclerosis and Your Emotions, I am not alone on this guilt trip.

"Feelings of 'letting down' family and friends, not being able to accomplish usual tasks, or of somehow being responsible for developing this disease may envelop a person with MS. Young mothers with growing families, the most commonly diagnosed group, are particularly vulnerable to guilt."¹

I found myself nodding my head in agreement when I came across that passage. Most of my guilt comes from the feeling that I am not adequately fulfilling my role in my family or in society.

Although work obligations and family structure may differ from one household to another, most of us have assumed a role in our families that is decidedly our own. In one home, a husband may take care of the gardening, gutter cleaning, etc., while his wife handles the indoor tasks. Across the street, a 14-year old girl may be responsible for the household chores while her single mother works two jobs to pay the bills. Whatever our roles are, we come to identify with them. We measure our self-worth against how well we are able to contribute to our family unit in general, and to society as a whole. Because MS is generally a long-term struggle, we approach our illness in a different way than we would if we were stricken with a bout of flu. Here's why.

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