Real Children

No doubt about it, there is a vast difference between theoretical children and real ones. Theoretical children are the ones you dream of as you feel the kicking within your swollen belly or as you sign yet another paper in the paper-laden adoption process. They are the children of the old movies, singing sweetly to the moonlight, who always have something cute to say. They are the ones who ask for your advice. They are the ones that look deep within your eyes and sincerely thank you for all of your years of hard work... as they enter the hallowed halls of Harvard University.

Real children are the ones who call out for you sometime between midnight and sunrise. They are the ones who spit up on your best clothes and who only eat vegetables if Grandma makes them. They are the ones who discard the expensive toys, preferring always a box of rocks or a cabinet full of pans.

Real children fall asleep at full priced movies, yet find endless entertainment in a burped rendition of the Star Spangled Banner. They fight bedtime. They ask important questions while you're on the phone, they tantrum in the grocery store and they invariably need the bathroom fifteen minutes into a long car trip. They slam doors. They aren't hungry for a full course meal, they're starving for a bit of macaroni and a hot dog. They want the crusts cut off their sandwiches, they only know one verse of a song, they leave handprints on the walls, they don't remember to wipe their feet before they come in the house.

Real children don't put the toilet paper on the dispenser. They don't dry the dishes before they put them away. They refuse to throw away any toy, no matter how broken or outgrown it is. They put trash under their bed and hide socks between the cushions of the couch. They believe their friends more than they believe you. They wipe off your kisses and watch to make sure that you don't wipe off theirs. They make paper airplanes, paper butterflies and thousands of paper pictures that are to be proudly displayed, all at the same time, on the refrigerator.

Real children lie to get out of trouble. They fight curfew. They bring several friends for dinner on short notice, they remember an important project just hours before its due. They ask for things even after they've already been told no, and cry when they don't get their way. They compare you to the parents of their friends, and they sometimes pretend that you're not their parents at all. They laugh at your best clothes. They ask for expensive toys. They're hungry for anything in the house. They wipe your kisses off and don't kiss back. They want more money for full priced movies, and they sulk throughout the entire long car trip.

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