DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE IN MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS

Boy, I blew it in late November. I allowed all the 'demons' of my past and present; take precedent. I also allowed demons' in friends' lives finally converge upon me. I made stupid choices. These choices were very unwise, unsafe, and unfair to my family and the medical community. I write this for you, so you may learn and avoid the actions I made. I, hope you'll think twice about making similar mistakes in judgment.

I'm going to classify the errors of my ways. Each action was in part responsible for my bad judgment, which led to my admission to the hospital emergency room. I used to be a nurse and served as an EMT. Medical professionals serve the community. They are trained to help patients without judging their actions. Their training covers empathy and quick response to a patient's immediate needs. I guess being a former nurse/EMT, I can understand and hope that my medical emergency didn't prevent them from helping someone who was much more in need of their aid. I am lucky everyone involved in my emergency treated me with the utmost respect and care.

ALCOHOL: I don't like alcohol. I can't use any excuses for my alcohol consumption. Alcoholism runs rampant in my family history, but this shouldn't dictate my actions. However, this morning, I drank alcohol, all ready in a depressed state. It led me to call my doctor and cry for help to prevent suicide.

MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS: I have had Multiple Sclerosis about twenty years. My diagnosis became definitive in August 2000. All those years I unknowingly had MS, raised a family, and held a full-time job. Morbidly obesity led me to a gastric bypass, resulting in the loss of 250 pounds. I survived divorce, rape, and sexual abuse of my daughter. My life wasn't easy, but it was these challenges that made me who I am today. I managed to get through it all without the aid of alcohol and depression. Admittedly, my choices were many times wrong, but I made those choices of my own free will. I can proudly say that now my daughter is grown, married and I am also married to a wonderful man. Multiple Sclerosis has slowed me down physically, but I maintain the position of wisdom and nurturer in our family. This is something I am proud of.

DEPRESSION: All of us have had a trying year. In our family, we suffered the loss of our little grandson at the hands of an automobile accident. My husband was unemployed. We didn't have health insurance and even when we got it we went through almost $20,000 in our savings just to keep afloat. Tensions like these have hit all of us in one way or another, but on this one fateful day, I let it all, roll up into one ugly ball and take me under!

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