Okay, for the last couple of months I have been off on a tangent. It's
okay. I needed to go there, but as I re-read the material I have posted
for the last two months, I feel that it fails to reflect the experience,
strength and hope of one in recovery. You may have gotten something out
of the last two articles, which would be amazing, but I myself found
them to be preachy and a bit convoluted. Well, in truth, that has been
they way my life has been for the last nine months. I must recognize the
fact that I have been grieving deeply and that this grief has distorted
my thinking a bit. I commend my Managing Editor for her willingness to
see if the articles went anywhere.
Well, maybe I need to just share my experience, strength, hope, and the
struggles that go along with deep loss, MPD and recovery. I am told that
such a loss is difficult for everyone, and that successful navigation through
such a time is dependant first: upon the kind of tools one has developed
as aids in coping; second: upon one's support resources and their willingness
to avail themselves of said resources; and third, but not least: upon ones
spiritual identity and the quality of one's conscious contact with a Power
greater then oneself.
Okay, so I admit it! I have not been using the tools I was given to maintain
my recovery. Most importantly, I have not shared my experience, strength
and hope with at least one person every day. For me, this is the most important
tool I have. It is the means through which I validate myself, connect with
my Higher Power and possibly even provide assistance to another! I had
convinced myself that I needed to take time for me. The more I stayed to
myself, the more distorted my thinking became. Without attending my support
groups regularly, my thinking began to revert to the type of thinking that
kept me ill for so long.
All I have been able to focus on is what is wrong. What's wrong with the
world, what's wrong with society, what's wrong with the system, what's
wrong with my life. Then, suddenly, one of those "Ahas" imposed itself
on my consciousness in the form of a recovery saying. "If you don't
like what you are getting, stop doing what you are doing." After that
I was brought up short. Hummm, what is it that I am doing that has me in
such a personal quandary?
Well, first off, I have not been doing any service work and I am a firm
The copyright of the article
Let's Start Over in
Multiple Personalities is owned by Kerry Dennis. Permission to republish
Let's Start Over in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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