A New Begining?
Many children are raised in single parent households. In these situations, the parents are generally feuding, and the child is always caught in the middle. This, all by itself, fosters a sense of powerlessness and helplessness that is difficult to overcome without special assistance. Add to that the fact that the custodial parent has to work, and work hard just to get by, plus they have their own needs to meet, so the child often feels in the way, ignored or unwanted. This is not limited to single parent families though, for even in homes where both parents are present, often both those parents work and the child finds him or herself alone much of the time. This loneliness, in turn, fosters that sense of being in the way, ignored, unwanted.
As a means of obtaining needed attention from and emotional interaction with parents, children will indulge in those behaviors that gain the most attention. Sometimes these behaviors are disruptive and the parent, tired and edgy, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol, will take the shortest rout to eliminating the disruption. Often this is violence. This in turn, proves once again to the child that might makes right, that violence is the best means of dealing with life's disruptions. Nevertheless, parents are not the only ones responsible for continuing the cycle of abuse and violence. The movie industry and the gaming industry are confirming, over and over that violence is not only necessary, but that it is also, somehow, wholesome and honorable.
Okay, so what is so wrong with teaching our children to put the needs of others first? Well to begin with, we most often say one thing and do another. We teach them that their needs are not as important as our needs, adult needs, and then so WE don't feel so guilty about that we also teach them to be considerate of the homeless and the starving children in Bangladesh. Because what this says to them is that everyone else's needs are more important than their own and that it is frowned upon to discuss one's needs unless you are an adult. Unfortunately, by the time one grows to adulthood, the place where one has shoved all their needs and the feelings about them, has become almost as impenetrable as Fort Knox. We are just beginning to see how devastating it can be to "stuff" all of our needs and feelings and attempt to be just what everyone else
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