Home » Mind & Soul » Multiple Personalities » Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries

© Kerry Dennis

        So, as I continued my search for understanding, I had to realize that as I forgave my abusers, I opened myself to the love and forgiveness of others. I learned that forgiving does not mean that I must forget. What it does mean is that I have finally given back all the distortions in thinking, all the pain, the guilt and the shame from past abuses, to the place from which they originated. It also means that, with a clear mind and an open heart, I can offer assistance to those who still suffer, sharing my own experiences with them, giving them hope for recovery, as well as both giving and receiving strength in the process!

        One of the most important boundaries that I have set, for myself, is that any new boundaries I establish must meet three criteria before I will use them in my life today. First, I ask myself, "is it loving?" Then I ask myself, "is it harmless?" Finally, I ask myself, "is it unifying?" A boundary needs to be loving. It needs to be a means through which I first love myself, and then as a means to show my love for others. Boundaries need to be harmless. If I harm others with my boundaries, I am not being loving, I am being abusive. Most of all though, a boundary needs to be a vehicle though which I can access that sense of unity that is beyond any simple sense of belonging. It is a sense of being connected, being part of all things. When I can feel that sense of unity with others, I am energized, I am excited about life. It is at these times that I can feel that flow of love from the universe, from that Energy behind the universe, energizing my very soul. In that state, love and harmlessness are a simple fact of life.

        There is more to good boundary setting then just protecting myself. There is the adventure in living that comes as the result of allowing myself to experience the freedom of being who I really am, making my own decisions, taking responsibility for my own life, feelings and actions. There is no freedom quite like this. There is no drug, that I know of, that can produce the joy of living that comes from being who am, fulfilled and excited about life, seeing life as an adventure, not a challenge, and then helping others to do the same. It isn't an easy palce to get to, but it is worth the effort.