Setting Boundaries
to be willing to see that fact. When I finally did, I was ready to make some radical changes in my life, because I was just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Mostly I set boundaries for myself. I set the boundary, for instance, of staying away from people, places and things that increased the opportunities for self-deprecation, drug use, alcohol use, and wallowing in self pity. I began to learn that I needed to place myself in situations and conditions that opened up my opportunities to be myself, as I was coming to understand me, to make my own decisions, and feel my own feelings. I had to become like a little child, knowing nothing, and seeking input and experience. I had to be willing to totally change my life.
Another important boundary was to make time for self nurturing. As I did this I began to see that nothing must be allowed to occupy that space in my life. I needed to show myself love on a regular basis. Only through consistent self nurturing was I able to continue on with this adventure of love, joy and healing. And, it was then that I discovered that boundaries don't cut me off from life, they make it more livable.
Oh, it's true, for a while I was an absolute beast to live with, and I often set my boundaries with baseball bats when a hug or a kiss would have done the trick. Learning to establish boundaries is one thing, but using them as a tool to control others is not the purpose of boundaries. When I started doing that, I began to see my abusers, in me, using me to their ends. That was when I could see myself becoming an abuser. When I realized how easily I could become an abuser, (the type of person that I absolutely loathed) because I knew the role so well, I had to stop and look at myself and what I was doing. Soon after that I came to the conclusion that the world has enough abusers, and that by learning to not become an abuser, I might be able to assist others, still caught in that trap, to free themselves.
Still, I can only stop the cycle of abuse in my own life. Only I can stand up for myself and demand to be treated with care and respect. Only I can give to others, what I have wanted so long for myself. And,
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