Acting-Out Ideation

frustrations, my body will produce depressive responses. My body reflects the attitude of my mind and emotions. If I hold on to fear or depression for very long, my body will stop manufacturing some chemicals and glandular secretions, and begin producing others. My brain chemistry will change. When that happens, it will be doubly hard for me to recover, for I will not only be struggling with my thoughts and emotions, but also with the chemical shifts that have occurred in my body and brain as the result of them.

    There is one saving grace in all of this. That which I can create, with my choice of mental and emotional focus, I can uncreate through the same process. It may take a little longer, once my body has begun to reflect my inharmonious mental and emotional attitude, but it can be done. I am living proof. Still, there are times when I need just a little help, and so I use the steps, I talk with my sponsor and my therapist, I accept the assistance and love of the fellowship and I take herbs that assist my body in making the chemical shift. Sometimes I even moderate my diet. Through these processes I have found phenomenal recovery, and a state of just general good health.

    Nevertheless, each time I allow myself to fall back into the thought processes and emotional attitudes that disturb my balance, I pay for it. In fact, for me, there is a third truth. Each time I dwell on a fear of getting sick, or imagine myself as having an illness, I seem to open the door to that illness. I am still working on this. I think I understand what it will take to get beyond it, but I have difficulty sometimes in following through. I think what it takes is a commitment to the service of others. This has been shown, through medical science, as a means through which to boost the body's immune system. When we honestly care for others, when we truly desire to assist others who are suffering, our immune system grows stronger.

    Still, there is a delicate balance between assisting others and becoming their door mat, their tool through which to express their own distortions, or their crutch on which to lean to avoid recovery. I am still developing my boundaries as well as my understanding. Sometimes I feel "put upon" by others, who genuinely want my assistance. Sometimes I would rather go to a movie than deal with the manipulative mechanisms of those who seek my assistance. I often forget that I

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