One of the ways that I found, to release the past, was to work the steps in a 12 step program. Upon discovering the 12 step programs, I also discovered that I was addicted to my pain and to my illness. I was also addicted to the concern, the nurturing and sympathy of others. I needed these to survive, as much as an alcoholic needs the next drink or the addict needs the next fix. So, the first step for me was to admit that I am powerless over people places and things, that I am powerless over my abusers, that I am powerless over my pain, my hate and my anger. I couldn't make these things go away, I couldn't stop needing the care and the concern of others, I was hooked. On the other hand, I was not totally powerless, for I still had the power of choice. I could still choose how I was going to respond to life and what life brings.The second step for me was to come to believe in a Power greater then myself. Of course, this Power had to be greater then my pain, greater then my abusers, and greater then my hate and anger. The last one was probably the most difficult. My hate and anger were pretty big. Now, I could not believe in the God of my childhood, for it was in His name that most of my abuse took place. So, I had to find a different God. One that was even bigger then the God that allowed a child to be abused in His name. Upon searching I decided upon that power, that energy that is the basis for all things within the physical universe. This Power, this Energy lies at the basis for all design, all order. It hides within each and every atom, as well as within every star, every sun, every planet. It is the most omni-present power that is. It is also within you and within me. It guides the stars and the planets on their courses, as well as determines the beat of my heart and the firing of neurons in my brain, the basis of all my thoughts. So I made a choice and decided to believe in this Higher Power.
The third step was to make a decision to turn my life and my will over to the care of that Higher Power of my understanding. This was difficult. The problem for me was that I was afraid that, if I let go of all the things that I
| Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: | View all related messages |
For a complete listing of article comments, questions, and other discussions related to Kerry Dennis's Multiple Personalities topic, please visit the Discussions page.