One has to be totally committed to recovery before taking this step. Until one is truly ready to give up behaviors that have, in the past, brought certain types of attention that are craved, one will find this step too demanding. The behaviors must either have stopped working, or one must come to the conclusion that what they are getting from these behaviors is no longer worthwhile before they can begin to become truly personally responsible.
I, personally, had to recognize that my behavior was not only no longer getting me what I really wanted, but was also self-destructive as well. I played what I now call "games" with people, which had in the past brought me certain attentions that I craved. When I felt that I needed someone to pay attention to me, I would play the "wounded child" game. With this game I would get certain people to nurture me and spend time with me. Through this game I also initiated a number of very sick "love" relationships. The problem with this game was that it left me wide open to abuse, and so the pain of the past was merely compounded through them, by those I chose to play it with.
Through my games I brought upon myself a number of unwanted sexual advances, for instance, and even a couple of rapes. I have to take responsibility for these now, for I brought these upon myself by the choices that I made. Of course, I had no way of knowing that some of the people I played my "wounded child" game with were emotional predators who were drawn to my game because they sensed my vulnerability. But after a few instances of like results, I either had to recognize my part in the abuse that followed, or become addicted to abuse. I think that, for a while, I was addicted to the abuses I drew to myself, because it also drew sympathy and support from others who could not see the game. Unfortunately, all that sympathy and support did not keep me from generating even more unwanted experiences. In order to stop that cycle, I had to recognize that I was causing it.
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