After much research and study, combined with personal experience, I have discovered that a very high percentage of those who suffer with MPD/DID are also alcoholics, addicts or both. It is very understandable that, when someone is trying to cope with horrific abuse, they tend to self-medicate. Drinking and using drugs is a means through which many choose to do that. The biggest problem with this is that recovery is extremely difficult. The reason why this is so is pretty easy to see, once you understand how the recovery process works12 step recovery is based upon two things: Rigorous Honesty and Personal Responsibility. It is too easy for one with MPD/DID to say, "Well, it's not ME doing the drinking, so it's not MY responsibility to seek recovery!" Or, "I can't make my drinking and drugging alter(s) do the steps, or even go to meetings." I know, I said those things myself and I was so caught up in the misery of trying to control my other alters, trying to keep them from drinking and drugging, that I never looked at my own Powerlessness. It didn't dawn on me that I was responsible for the whole, when I was on top. I couldn't grasp the concept that what I did could make a difference. I was too busy trying to stop the others from doing what they were doing to see the hole I was digging, not only myself, but for all of us, especially the "littles", or child alters.
I was too wrapped up in my misery to admit that drinking and drugging seemed to help ME too. It felt good to escape from the feelings, from the pain, from the flashbacks! Even though I was not the one doing the drinking and drugging, I did experience some of the benefits of it. Nevertheless, I also got stuck with the downside. I also had to struggle through the hangovers, the depressions, the shakes, the memory loss and the confusion of mind that accompanies drinking and drugging. And, by blaming it all on other alters, I could feel justified in my self pity and my suicidal thoughts.
Unfortunately, by dumping the responsibility for all of this on other alters I also shut the door on recovery. I was a "raging AL-Anon" content with blaming others for my condition, wallowing in my self pity, and filled to the brim with anger and resentment! Nevertheless, I occupied myself mainly with trying to stop "them" from doing what they were doing instead of seeking help for myself! I must say that a lot of
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