I have noticed around the net, in many chat rooms and support groups, the practice of warning individuals with abuse issues not to use or to be careful of what are called "triggers". I am not sure, but I think when they use the term trigger they are referring to a practice developed by behavioral health practitioners, initially to assist individuals in getting in touch with obsessive/compulsive behavior patterns. Nevertheless, some chat rooms go so far as to insist that one type words such as Mother, Father, suiside, cut, knife and sex, in such a way as to "spoil" them, as the saying goes. A spoiled word look like this: M*ther. I am confused as to the reasoning behind this. I mean even I can tell that the word is mother. Now it seems to me that if you know what the word is, what is the value of "spoiling" it? The only reason that comes to my mind for doing this, is to facilitate the playing of the insidious codependent game of shame/blame/guilt.
According to the reasoning behind this trend, a trigger is a word that brings up disturbing thoughts or feelings, as well as unwanted impulses. It is assumed that if these words "trigger" such things then it is best to avoid them. The problem with developing and enforcing the rule of avoiding such words and phrases is that it promotes victimhood, as well as a means through which individuals can dump the responsibility of their obsessive/compulsive behaviors on others. It is like saying, "Here is my button, I dare you to push it!" Then, when someone does push that button, even unwittingly, the individual can avoid the responsibility for their obsessive/compulsive response by blaming and shaming that other person for "triggering" them. The one who was triggered then becomes the "victim" of the one who used the word or phrase, and the one who used the word or phrase is then labeled as an abuser! Many times, in my opinion, it is the other way around, for that individual who used the word or phrase is often sanctioned or banned from the group for using a word that holds no specific power for them, while the obsessive/compulsive individual wallows in their victimhood.
One of the things I learned, early in my recovery, was that healing only begins when we can move out of victimhood. The hallmark of a victim is the loss of personal power, and the compulsion to give ones power away to others, especially to ones abusers or perceived abusers. It is also characterized by the lack of "Personal Responsibility" and the need to shame, blame or dump the guilt of ones present condition upon others. What the victim believes is, "I am not responsible for the way that I am, it is not my fault. If others would treat me differently, would say only what I want to hear, I would be all right". When one either cannot, or refuses, to take personal responsibility for ones own life experiences and actions, they render themselves incapable of developing self-esteem and personal integrity. As the result of this, they continually gravitate toward experiences and conditions which generate further abuse as well as opportunities to obsess and compulsively react. These individuals tend to move deeper and deeper into their pain and self degradation, but this is a choice, facilitated by codependent, obsessive/compulsive behavior.
Go To Page: 1 2
| Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: | View all related messages |
For a complete listing of article comments, questions, and other discussions related to Kerry Dennis's Multiple Personalities topic, please visit the Discussions page.