One of the major difficulties that a multiple faces is the need to focus in the abuse. It is, in a sense, our identity, and our ticket to validation. I say this as a multiple, not as a therapist. One of the major problems in healing from any long term debilitation, is the intense need to hold on to it. One of the reasons, of course, is that it affords us an opportunity to obtain attention, validation for our pain, and the love and sympathy of others. This is not, in any way a condemnation of that need, for it is the normal human response to a life long experience of invalidation, lovelessness, and abuse. Still, it is important to address this, for if we don't, we will continue drawing abusers into our lives, and we can never be free of the pain of the past.
This brings to mind a poem, written long ago, by an English poet who's name escapes me.
"So many a trouble would burst like a bubble and into the waters of Lathe depart, if we didn't so nurse it and daily rehearse it and give it a permanent place in our heart." This may seem a little trite when compared to the horrendous abuses we have experienced, and yet, what do you want to be doing for the rest of your life? Do you want to be constantly reliving the pain of the past or do you want to, one day, be happy, joyous and free? There is a choice you know, and the choice is yours.
In the beginning, when we first discovered our "multiplicity", it didn't seem as though there were many choices. When our "alters' found a sympathetic ear they would spew forth all their frightening and painful bundles of information, and we thought that we would just go mad, or kill ourselves. We had no control over what they did, and they did it constantly.
Our counselors and therapists were generally wrapped up in listening to all of the secrets and the horror stories and although they knew we were in pain, seemed powerless to alleviate it in any other way except through drugs. And, many multiples feel as I do, that drugs don't work. Most of the counselors and therapists I found knew nothing of 12 step programs, or if they did, didn't think that they applied to this problem. Even Craig, my first real breakthrough in therapists had no idea that, in sending me to Program for my alcoholism and addiction, he was also assisting me with my MPD. He knows now, and treats other cases like mine accordingly. Unfortunately, most therapists tend to get down and wallow in our pain with us, or they minimize it and drug it.
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