Self mutilation is born out of the same distortion. It is an attempt to regain the familiar, to "ground" in the only way they know how. Pain, with out a doubt, is a very "grounding" experience. It makes one feel alive, it gives a sense of self. When an abused individual is suffering flashbacks, it assists in bringing them back to the present.
Suicidal ideation and self mutilation are tools, developed by the severely abused to cope with past abuse, flashbacks and emotional pain. Nevertheless, there are healthier tools with which to meet these needs. I found those healthier tools within the 12 step program, and through working the steps. In my opinion, no amount of force or coercion would have stopped me from using those self destructive and self abusive tools until I was ready to find another way. I had to hit bottom. I had to come too close to ending my own life, in the process of using those tools, before I scared myself enough to decide to find another way. It may be different for others. Who knows, maybe one of them, in reading what I have written, may decide to seek a different path. I can only hope.
If you are a multiple, or you know a multiple who has hit bottom and would like to find healthier ways to cope with the pain of past abuse, check out our MDA website. Here you will find the IRC address of our MPD/DID Anonymous on-line meetings.
Kerry Dennis
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